Motivational Article

As babies, we are born and we are adored. The world is our oyster! We are focused on our basic survival needs—food, warmth, sleep and play—but it doesn't occur to us that by throwing a tantrum to get those needs met, we might be “unpopular” or be “inadequate”.

That famous line from the movie “Titanic” is an infant's raison d'être: “I'm the king of the world!”

Before long though, we start to hear things like, "You can't always get what you want..." or "You've been bad so you will be punished..." or "If you behave yourself, maybe you can have a treat later...".

Gradually, each reprimand and rejection and failure chips away at that healthy self-esteem we are born with and we find ourselves as adults feeling “less” than we really are. We end up travelling through life lugging around a large suitcase of self-doubt, and a carry-on bag of insecurities.

From my experience of working with thousands of people, every person has the capacity for a high self-esteem. But re-building a damaged self-esteem is a continuing process, not something that can happen overnight.

The only question is, are you ready to make the commitment necessary to increase your self-esteem?

If your answer is yes, here are 12 steps to get you started:

STEP 1
Stop comparing yourself with others.
There will always be some people who have more than you and some who have less.
You are unique and your purpose is to express your uniqueness. Who can do that better than you?

STEP 2
Stop criticizing yourself.
Stop diminishing yourself with negative judgments. You can't develop high self-esteem if you repeat negative phrases about yourself and your abilities.

STEP 3
Stop allowing others to criticize you. As adults, we can choose the messages we accept or reject. No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

STEP 4
Acknowledge yourself.
Buy a beautiful journal or notebook, and every night before going to sleep, write 10 things you did well during the day. It doesn't matter how big or small they are as long as you allow yourself to feel acknowledged.

STEP 5

Let go of your perfectionism.
Perfectionism paralyzes you and keeps you from accomplishing your goals.

STEP 6
Surround yourself with positive, supportive people.
When you are surrounded by negative people who constantly put you down, your self-esteem (and energy!) is diminished.


STEP 7
Give more of yourself to those around you.
When you do things for others, you make a positive contribution. That makes you begin to feel more valuable, which, in turn, lifts your spirits and raises your self-esteem.

STEP 8
Get involved in work and activities that inspire you.
It's hard to feel good about yourself if your days are spent in work you detest.
Even if you cannot leave your present work situation immediately, you can still devote leisure time to hobbies and activities that you find stimulating and enjoyable.

STEP 9
Solve problems.
Don't avoid problems, and don't complain about them. Treat them as challenges and opportunities for growth. If you can't solve a problem on your own, ask for help!

STEP 10
Respect your own needs.
Recognize and take care of your own needs and wants first.
Discover what you want and what you are good at. Identify what really fulfills you - not just immediate gratifications.
Respecting your deeper needs will increase your sense of worth and well-being.

STEP 11
Be true to yourself.
Live your own life - not the life others have decided is best for you.
If you're making decisions based on getting approval from friends and relatives, you aren't being true to yourself and your self-esteem will suffer as a direct consequence.
Live your life on the basis of what is possible for you and what feels right to you instead of what you or others think you "should" do.

And the most important of all…

STEP 12
Take action!

You won't develop high self-esteem if you sit on the sidelines and avoid challenges.
When you take action designed to fulfill your potential - regardless of the result - you feel better about yourself.
When you fail to move forward because of fear and anxiety, you create frustration and dissatisfaction within yourself.


The 'real you' is a magnificent, unique being with enormous potential and capacity for loving yourself and extending that love to others.

As your self-esteem grows, this 'real you' emerges and

•  you begin to take more risks without the fear of failure;
•  you are no longer preoccupied with the approval of others;
•  your relationships are much more rewarding;
•  you pursue activities that bring you both joy and satisfaction;
•  you make a positive contribution to the world; and
•  you truly appreciate the person you're with all of the time: yourself.

Valuing yourself for who you are will, most importantly, bring you peace of mind.

So get with the program and feel better about yourself!