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For a long time I wished to write about parenting.
However, every time I began I felt as though I was trespassing upon sacred ground.
Then, the other night, whilst I was reading my daughter "The Giving Tree" from her favorite bedtime book, I found
the right symbol for what enlightened parenthood is to me.
Parenthood is all about giving. It is giving what I have, so my child can grow and explore her world. It is being there
for her when she needs me. My only wish is that she will share her world with me.
However, too many of us are trapped in a faulty belief system that dictates that as parents, we should educate our
children and teach them how to live their life.
Come to think of it, how can we really teach our children how to live their life? What could we possibly know about
the world our children will live in 20 years into the future?
When we come from that misguided angle, parenthood becomes simply a job description, which in turn, means that we are
always overworked and underpaid.
As children, we rarely appreciate our parents for what they gave us, including the greatest gift of all - our life.
We are much more focused on where we perceive that our parents failed us and how they
should have done it differently.
As a mother I am trapped, as the most powerful role models for how to be (or not to be) a parent - were in fact, my
parents.
Although I know that model is outdated, I still find myself repeating the same sentences my parents used to say, or
reacting in the same way they did.
The other day I found myself saying to my daughter: "No, you can't wear this dress to school, this is a party dress and
it will be unfortunate if it would get dirty".
The minute I said it I realized it was my mother talking.
There is always the washing machine handy and somebody else does the ironing for me, so I don't really care if she wears
her party dresses to school.
Although as a young woman I vowed to never argue with my daughter on what she wears, I found myself repeating the
same words my mother had (as well as my grandmother).
A sentence that was created when new cloths were heavy burden on the family finances, and washing was done by hand.
This is how deep our parental conditioning lies within us.
Enlightenment is to become free from all conditioning.
Enlightened parenthood is letting go of these limiting concepts and realizing that our children chose us as their
parents. They chose us as their gate into this world.
Therefore they are not ours. They are a deposit that we were given to take care of until they can do it themselves.
All we can and suppose to do for them is to give them what they need to grow and be there for them when they need us.
In the words of Khalil Gibran in his magical book 'The Prophet':
"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth."
Article by: Vered (Tanmayo) Neta, trainer, coach and
lecturer, specializes in relationships and women issues.
To learn more about her workshop, Art of Relating, click
here.
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