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Motivational Article

You are the child, you are the parent

By Nisandeh Neta

I always believed myself to be this open, enlightened father in relation to my daughter, Thom.
I was genuinely convinced that during the first 4-year period of her life, I had not made any significant errors that had adversely affected her growth and development.
She's a happy, bright and lovable kid and our relationship is wonderful.

Yet, the other day she was nagging me for something that I refused to give her.
It wasn't significant, as even now I cannot recall what it was.
After a few exasperating moments of attempting to explain my refusal, I blurted: "Honey I'm sorry, but you cannot have it all!"

The words were still in the air, when I realized how disempowering the message I gave her was.

YOU ARE YOUR CHILD'S TEACHER
You must be extremely cautious as to what ideas you present to your child.
This requires a sense of "monitoring" of both your words and deeds.
Does each word spoken to your children demonstrate to them their uniqueness and glory as human beings?
Do you honor their unlimited power and strength with each comment?
Most importantly are you sending them the message of total acceptance and love?

YOUR CHILD IS YOUR TEACHER
There are many things we can learn from our children.
Children are natural in their very beings.
They have not yet developed all the shame and limiting beliefs we hold to be true.
Their self-esteem is not yet damaged by parental and societal conditioning.
They don't simply want a toy - they want the whole toy store!
They show us who we can be.
The magnificent beings, we truly are.

So, how is it that we learn from and teach each other?

THE MOST IMPORTANT KEY IS COMMUNICATION
I used to think it was impossible for me to really communicate with my parents.
So, for years, I never invested any energy in doing that.
Then at a certain point whilst far away in a foreign country, I've commenced a written communication.
I wrote long letters sharing who I was, who I am and who I'd like to become.
I also shared who they were in relation to me and what they meant for me.
I cried when I wrote the letters.
They cried as they read them.
Pain and joy, regrets and hopes, all blended together.

Family communication became possible, but only when love was first there.
Until I became a more feeling person - which meant feeling pain, anger, hurt, and disappointment sometimes, but also love, kindness, friendship, and generosity - I created an emotional wall that impeded any genuine communication.
My biggest lesson was to open my heart.
Pain and grief and anger spilled out - but so did love.
It was then that communicating began.

Waiting for someone else in your family to begin the communication process will not succeed.
If you wait for your children to initiate conversation about what is on their mind, they will most probably retain their fears, frustrations, and problems as a secret forever.

If you dream about your parents communicating their disagreements and arriving at some happy resolution - keep on dreaming. It will never become a reality.

If you have something on your mind but somehow never bring it up - dare and do it NOW!

In one of my training programs, participants clear a lot of their blockages in their relationships with their parents.
Many, actually dare and honestly communicate with their parents for the first time.
Later I receive feedback letters that read like this: "Dear Nisandeh, the One Experience training was so powerful! I've completed it and my father has totally changed...!"

Your parents, your children and you, have a duty to communicate.
However, somebody has to make a start. Accept the challenge.

Here are a few tips how to master loving communication: