Motivational Article

We all lie like hell.

In my younger years I used to lie a lot. I was an effective
liar so was rarely caught. And yet this dishonesty created
within me, a real sense of disconnection from others.

When I withheld my whole truth, I withheld others from seeing
the real me. And just as most other people, my greatest wish
was to be loved as a whole, even those parts I judged as bad
or wrong.

I often wondered what would happen if we could read each
other's mind? Where would we be if our every thought and
belief was shared openly, and what would we do with the
unpleasant or unfriendly ones?

I struggled with these questions repeatedly, before finally
making an agreement with myself to always tell the truth,
the whole truth, the ruthless truth, without censure, to see
what would happen.

As a result of this experiment I was shocked to discover
that what society considers honesty and what true honesty
really is, are, in reality, two different things.

We've been conditioned in our culture to make lying a
habitual part of our lives. We lie so regularly, that we
don't even notice it anymore.

What is honesty?
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Honesty is telling "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing
but the truth."

Society's definition of honesty is to tell "the partial
truth, and only part of the truth as it serves your personal
interests, and on the condition that no one is made to feel
uncomfortable."

I'm not talking about the big lies, but more about all the
consistent, persistent "innocent, everyday white lies" we
tell people almost everyday.

I didn't even consider these small untruths to be lies!

Why do we lie?
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Our parents and our schools teach us to pretend and put on a
show, so as children we develop a public face and learn to
lie as a means of protection.

We were taught that it's perfectly acceptable to withhold
our truth if we think it will "hurt someone's feelings," or
"cause a conflict," or "make someone uncomfortable," or make
us "look bad", or "keep from rocking the boat."

I guess we were taught to lie, because as a society we
believe that we have the power to actually hurt someone else
emotionally.

Let me spell it out for you... truthfully:
"EVERY INDIVIDUAL IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN EMOTIONS!"

I can tell you that I find you an arrogant, aggressive and
socially retarded bastard. How you take it and how you
respond to it, is your own responsibility.

And I promise you, if I'll go around and say it to a
thousand people, I will get a 1000 different responds.
So where then is my power?
What about my ability to make someone feel angry or hurt?

When you truly understand this important truth, you'll feel
much more freedom to say what you think and feel.

Most times, it's your own lack of trust in yourself to be
able to deal with the other's reactions that blocks your
honesty. "How will I feel if this person reacts badly" you
ask yourself. "I might feel guilty, so I'll tell a little
lie."

The prices of lying
-------------------
Let's face it, people will get angry and hurt sometimes in
reaction to your honesty.

But the alternative of living a life filled with lies is not
much of an alternative.

You end up walking around on eggshells, monitoring your every
word, and trying to predict how others might respond.
It's a slow, awkward process of communication.

Lying causes stress, anxiety, depression and is a source of
conflict, misery, ill-health and even death.

Most people don't speak the truth for fear of the
consequences.

But in my experience, the 'dangerous' consequences are
better relationships and a more satisfying life.

So how do you go from here?
---------------------------
Of course, swearing to tell the truth doesn't mean you'll
actually do it. How do you stop lying?

Here are three steps you should take:

Tell the truth compulsively
---------------------------
Tell the truth about everything: what you've done or plan to
do, how you feel and what you think. Hate your job? Tell
your boss. Mad at your spouse? Tell him/her. The way to take
the sting out of honesty is to be descriptive and precise.

Tell the truth immediately
--------------------------
The best time to express a withhold, anger, fear or
disappointment is when you are experiencing it. The hardest
thing about these feelings is getting over them, and the
only way to get over them is to tell the truth about them.

Tell the truth repeatedly
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In every important relationship in your life, practice
regularly the following evaluation exercise.
Each one of you evaluates the rest along three simple
criteria: "This is what I want you to stop doing; this is
what I want you to start doing; this is what I want you to
continue doing."
Then as a group (or as a couple) meet to share the
evaluation. Be aware, this process can become addictive and
very satisfying.

Imagine being real and genuine with each other. Imagine what
the world would be like if you could actually believe what
people tell you. It might get a bit rocky at times, but it
would fundamentally change the world.

So maybe honesty is a radical idea in this day and age, but
lets do our part in "telling the truth" so honesty becomes
commonplace.

The love that would follow would be far from common...