Motivational Article

We are born into the world naked and exposed, totally vulnerable and dependent on the 'big people' around us.

We absorb everything they tell us, both positive and negative. We internalize other people's (especially parents') reactions to our actions and measure ourselves accordingly. If we break a toy and our mother says, "That's bad", we conclude that we are bad. When we are given the same feedback often, it becomes The Truth.

Since 80% of what we hear is negative, it is little wonder that we develop negative beliefs about ourselves, such as: "I'm stupid", "I'm ugly", "I'm weak", "I'm a failure", "I'll never make it" and my personal favorite, "I'm not good enough."

Growing up, we harbor these beliefs, but keep them hidden because we don't want anyone else to know! We create an image of ourselves that is different from (and usually better than) the person we believe we are. We put on a mask that shows the world a different face and we hide behind it for as long as possible.

Most of us do that at one time or another, often when we hit the teen years. We “try on” different masks to see which is the most comfortable, which affords us the most protection from exposure. 

When I was a teenager I was afraid that everybody would think that I was stupid. I needed desperately to hide my stupidity. So, I read a lot, accumulating stockpiles of information, and I developed a strong imagination that would help me invent what I didn't know.
And within a couple of years I developed a complete image of "I know it all".

Have you ever had that dream where you are giving a speech to a crowded room but you are the only one without any clothes? People have a universal fear of being exposed. Hiding behind a mask makes the risk of exposure less frightening.

Masks can take the form of "I know it all" or "I'm a nice guy" or "I'm dangerous" or "I'm tough" or "I'm special"... We try to believe that this is who we are, but the early “truth” still lingers: I am not good enough.

So we add layers and accessories that add more credibility to the whole costume—another diploma or award, another car or a bigger house. Gradually, the costume becomes very heavy.

The result? Mental and physical exhaustion!

We burn out from the effort of trying to maintain a façade. We lose our ability to be spontaneous and enjoy the moment (“I can't dance—it doesn't fit my image”). We end up missing out on real relationships with others—they fall in love with the mask, or we don't let them get close enough to see what's under it.

So, how do we remove the mask?

Well, there are basically 5 stages:

1. Awareness . Think about your mask: how it looks to you and to other people, when you put it on, when or if you ever take it off. Does it look like one of these: Nice Guy, Know it All, Know it Better, Tough Guy, Angry Bitch, Poor Me, Rebel, Misfit, Sickly, Joker/Clown, Martyr, Holy, Mr./Mrs. Busy-Important, Barbie Girl (stupid and sexy), Loner, Listener/Therapist, Preacher...
    
2. Recognition . Become aware of the costs in your personal and professional life of wearing your mask. See how your relationships are affected when you keep your image up. What limitations has it created? What is it that you "cannot", "shouldn't" or "wouldn't" do because it's not "appropriate" for you?
    
3. Realization . Realize that your mask is not who you are. Acknowledge the fact that you created your act for your survival and that probably for a while that was valuable, but it is not necessary any more.
   In most cases, the mask has served its purpose and now it is only a hindrance to your growth and happiness.
    
4. Commitment . Be willing to drop your act and commit yourself to do doing whatever it takes to become the real you.  Some people never take off the mask and lose their identity and soul completely. Why waste the rest of your life pretending to be someone or something other than you?

1. Action . Do whatever is necessary to become authentically you... Do you hate golf, but play for the sake of your colleagues? Enlist some of them to do what YOU like. Do you hate working for someone else? Take a risk and start your own business…
   
   More on that in one of the coming articles...